Covid Angst

As I approach the 9th month of social distancing, I have come to understand and accept some of the challenges associated with the pandemic. Now let me be clear that my struggles do not come close to the struggles of those who have lost a job, home, or loved one. My struggle, in the grand scheme of things, is minute; it is an internal conflict. 

Covid angst. If this term has not been coined, I now claim it! Though I am sure I can define it in an eloquent manner, I prefer to be precise. It is a sense of shittiness, plain and simple On challenging days, this shittiness is frustration, irritation, fear, and disappointment jumbled up together and it resides in my gut (now I know where those extra 10 lbs come from).

However, my goal is not to lament on Covid angst, but to move past it. I have, after all, tried to run from it, literally, but have failed.  On a challenging day, I often find myself compulsively scrolling through my phone in hopes of finding a morsel of information that can put me at ease: that can make my shitty feeling go away. This, however, never works. Instead, I find myself behaving like an addict, blabbing comments, like "5 more minutes and then I'll get off my phone" only to spend another 30 minutes aimlessly checking and rechecking the same sites. And like an addict, it took me time to understand and accept that the phone, my drug of choice, only worsens the way I feel. 

As in any great novel, a protagonist will struggle with both an internal and external conflict. I, the protagonist of my story, struggle with a feeling of angst while navigating the world that is paralyzed by a pandemic. So, moving forward, the resolution to this story is simple in theory but difficult in practice.  I need to accept Covid angst and learn to live with it. Yes, some days will be shitty, and on those days, I take deep breaths and give myself permission to have a bad day and I do it with my phone off.

Good Company

I think it's safe to say that 2020 has been a challenging year. But I must also acknowledge that it has been a year of growth and understanding. I have always known that good friendships and a strong family bond are the center focus of my happiness, but I, like all others, have at times forgotten their importance, thinking that I can find greater satisfaction and happiness by driving a fancy car or purchasing an outfit that's just over my budget. With the challenges of this year, however, I am reminded that I am fortunate to have supportive, empathetic, and loving friends and family. 

Forgive me for sounding cheesy, but here it goes. Friendships are plants that need to be watered and nurtured. And to continue with cheesy metaphors, friendships are a two-way street. With this said, I want to acknowledge the friendships I have built as an Aquarela Samba dancer. Together, these women and I have danced, laughed, and cheered each other through breakups, samba shows, damaged costumes, and Covid 19. 

As we move closer to Thanksgiving, I, more than ever, understand the importance of good friendships and am grateful for my friendships. And though we will not celebrate Friendsgiving together this year, I anxiously looking forward to our next afternoon churrasco in my backyard. Beijos!

Food for thought:

* "Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think"

The Arts Help Us Heal

It has been a while since I last opened this blog. Life got the better of me -- tasks piled on top of tasks and soon, I was too busy.

Wow, what a year! 2020 has proven to be an unforgettable year with Covid 19, political unrest, and financial woes. Without dismissing all the challenges, however, the troubling year has solidified my belief that the arts are needed. And, what better way to demonstrate one's expression of creativity and imagination than the Carnaval parade. 

As a child growing up in Brazil, Carnaval was a chance to stay up late, be mesmerized by the colorful and creative expressions of samba schools, and to lose myself in the festivities of the parade. As an adult living in the San Francisco Bay Area, nothing has changed. Carnaval continues to be a moment of celebration, a gathering of the community, and an outlet for my creative expression. It's Christmas and Hannukah all put together. Yes, I ... love ... Carnaval. 

Though completely understandable, it should come as no surprise that the cancellation of the 2020 San Francisco Carnaval Parade was a sad moment, which was followed by more sadness when the cancellation of the 2021 Rio Carnaval Parade was announced. Not only would I and the community deal with the fears and troubles of Covid 19, political unrest, and financial woes, but we would also deal with our challenges without a creative outlet and without the camaraderie of our community.

But as many have eloquently stated before me, hope is always the last to die. Like a little kid at a candy store pre-Covid 19, I was over the moon when talks of the 2021 San Francisco Carnaval Parade began. The possibility of a Carnaval celebration during our troubling times was a shiny rhinestone in the middle of pebbles.  By no means am I dismissing the importance of social distancing and safety; nor am I dismissing the devastating impact of Covid 19, but the possibility of dreaming, of hoping for some sense of normalcy in a bizarre and upside-down world, brought tears to my eye. 

It is still too early to begin Carnaval planning, and a parade, in my opinion, should only happen if deemed safe, but it is never too early to once again turn to the arts, being dancing, music, or costume making, as a form of therapy that will help us all stay connected, safe, and sane. Being what may come in 2021, I am ready and know that I will overcome the troubles of 2020 with a glue gun in one hand, and a pair of dancing shoes in the other.

Want to know more? Check out the articles below 

"Doing Something Creative Can Boost Your Well-Being"

"Why Finding Time Each Day for Creativity Makes Us Happier"