Covid Angst

As I approach the 9th month of social distancing, I have come to understand and accept some of the challenges associated with the pandemic. Now let me be clear that my struggles do not come close to the struggles of those who have lost a job, home, or loved one. My struggle, in the grand scheme of things, is minute; it is an internal conflict. 

Covid angst. If this term has not been coined, I now claim it! Though I am sure I can define it in an eloquent manner, I prefer to be precise. It is a sense of shittiness, plain and simple On challenging days, this shittiness is frustration, irritation, fear, and disappointment jumbled up together and it resides in my gut (now I know where those extra 10 lbs come from).

However, my goal is not to lament on Covid angst, but to move past it. I have, after all, tried to run from it, literally, but have failed.  On a challenging day, I often find myself compulsively scrolling through my phone in hopes of finding a morsel of information that can put me at ease: that can make my shitty feeling go away. This, however, never works. Instead, I find myself behaving like an addict, blabbing comments, like "5 more minutes and then I'll get off my phone" only to spend another 30 minutes aimlessly checking and rechecking the same sites. And like an addict, it took me time to understand and accept that the phone, my drug of choice, only worsens the way I feel. 

As in any great novel, a protagonist will struggle with both an internal and external conflict. I, the protagonist of my story, struggle with a feeling of angst while navigating the world that is paralyzed by a pandemic. So, moving forward, the resolution to this story is simple in theory but difficult in practice.  I need to accept Covid angst and learn to live with it. Yes, some days will be shitty, and on those days, I take deep breaths and give myself permission to have a bad day and I do it with my phone off.

Good Company

I think it's safe to say that 2020 has been a challenging year. But I must also acknowledge that it has been a year of growth and understanding. I have always known that good friendships and a strong family bond are the center focus of my happiness, but I, like all others, have at times forgotten their importance, thinking that I can find greater satisfaction and happiness by driving a fancy car or purchasing an outfit that's just over my budget. With the challenges of this year, however, I am reminded that I am fortunate to have supportive, empathetic, and loving friends and family. 

Forgive me for sounding cheesy, but here it goes. Friendships are plants that need to be watered and nurtured. And to continue with cheesy metaphors, friendships are a two-way street. With this said, I want to acknowledge the friendships I have built as an Aquarela Samba dancer. Together, these women and I have danced, laughed, and cheered each other through breakups, samba shows, damaged costumes, and Covid 19. 

As we move closer to Thanksgiving, I, more than ever, understand the importance of good friendships and am grateful for my friendships. And though we will not celebrate Friendsgiving together this year, I anxiously looking forward to our next afternoon churrasco in my backyard. Beijos!

Food for thought:

* "Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think"

The Arts Help Us Heal

It has been a while since I last opened this blog. Life got the better of me -- tasks piled on top of tasks and soon, I was too busy.

Wow, what a year! 2020 has proven to be an unforgettable year with Covid 19, political unrest, and financial woes. Without dismissing all the challenges, however, the troubling year has solidified my belief that the arts are needed. And, what better way to demonstrate one's expression of creativity and imagination than the Carnaval parade. 

As a child growing up in Brazil, Carnaval was a chance to stay up late, be mesmerized by the colorful and creative expressions of samba schools, and to lose myself in the festivities of the parade. As an adult living in the San Francisco Bay Area, nothing has changed. Carnaval continues to be a moment of celebration, a gathering of the community, and an outlet for my creative expression. It's Christmas and Hannukah all put together. Yes, I ... love ... Carnaval. 

Though completely understandable, it should come as no surprise that the cancellation of the 2020 San Francisco Carnaval Parade was a sad moment, which was followed by more sadness when the cancellation of the 2021 Rio Carnaval Parade was announced. Not only would I and the community deal with the fears and troubles of Covid 19, political unrest, and financial woes, but we would also deal with our challenges without a creative outlet and without the camaraderie of our community.

But as many have eloquently stated before me, hope is always the last to die. Like a little kid at a candy store pre-Covid 19, I was over the moon when talks of the 2021 San Francisco Carnaval Parade began. The possibility of a Carnaval celebration during our troubling times was a shiny rhinestone in the middle of pebbles.  By no means am I dismissing the importance of social distancing and safety; nor am I dismissing the devastating impact of Covid 19, but the possibility of dreaming, of hoping for some sense of normalcy in a bizarre and upside-down world, brought tears to my eye. 

It is still too early to begin Carnaval planning, and a parade, in my opinion, should only happen if deemed safe, but it is never too early to once again turn to the arts, being dancing, music, or costume making, as a form of therapy that will help us all stay connected, safe, and sane. Being what may come in 2021, I am ready and know that I will overcome the troubles of 2020 with a glue gun in one hand, and a pair of dancing shoes in the other.

Want to know more? Check out the articles below 

"Doing Something Creative Can Boost Your Well-Being"

"Why Finding Time Each Day for Creativity Makes Us Happier"

Silvana Sousa: Worth Noting

Oi Gente,

I know it's been a long time since my last post, but life just has a way of catching up with us and making things more complicated than expected or ever imagined. Regardless of the reasons of my absence, I want to talk about more pleasant things, like samba.

I can't speak about samba without mentioning Silvana Sousa and her connection to Aquarela, my beloved dance group. 

Also known as Neguinha Sambista, Silvana was born and raised in Brazil. She migrated to the U.S. but has never left her Brazilian roots behind. 

Her devotion to her culture is apparent in her daily involvement and promotion of the Brazilian culture. Through her dance classes, samba performances, and involvement in the Bay Area's samba community, she is constantly educating, guiding, and promoting Brazilian culture and the traditions of samba and Brazilian culture.

When she moved to the United States, she meet Maria Souza, founder of Aquarela Brazilian Dance Ensemble, and soon started dancing with the group. Through Aquarela, Silvana has participated in many local and international events and has gone on to dance for top Brazilian artist, such as  Jorge Aragao, Grupo Molejo, Harmonia do Samba, Grupo Revelacao, Bete Carvalho, and Fundo do Quintal to name a few. During her time with Aquarela, Silvana has also been part of the Goldman Awards, Macy's Passport fundraiser, and was featured in Carlos Santana's Bay Area Supernatural Tour during "Maria Maria." Though full of accomplishments, she solidified her dedication and passion for samba when crowned San Francisco's Carnaval Queen.

Today, Silvana, through numerous accomplishments, events, accolades, and collaborations, has established her name as a top samba dancer, teacher, mentor, advocate, and lover of samba and the Brazilian culture. While she now occupies herself with the management and training of the Aquarela dancers, you can also find her and witness her energetic and captivating dance style at the San Francisco Carnaval parade, San Francisco Carnaval Ball, and other samba-related events. 

And like other great dancers from the samba world, she is truly a force to be reckoned with and someone worth noting. 

Summer Plans

Oi gente,

My parents recently bought a condo in Fortaleza for the family to enjoy, relax, and cheer on the Brazilian soccer team during the World Cup. This for sure is a dream come true for the whole family. Needless to say, I have officially started the countdown to summer vacation. With only 5 weeks left, I now daydream of coconut water, tapioca ice-cream, a whole lot of sun (odd since I don't like to sunbath), and men in speedos!

Oddly enough, my excitement parallels my anxiety. I grew up in the US and consider it my home, so the idea of spending two whole months in Brazil is odd, fascinating, and amazing. I find myself wondering about the culture and people, but most of all, I wonder if I will fit in and like it.

To make my trip a sure success, I started a Must Do list. While in Fortaleza, I want to take Forro lessons. Forro is a Brazilian dance with its origin in the Nordeste (North East) of the country and I hope that hubby and I can one day become the Forro version of Fred Astaire and Rita Hayworth.


Once we master the dance (or at least learn not to step on each other's feet), I want to attend all (yes, all) the quadrilha parties in the area. In June, the north of Brazil celebrates Sao Joao (Saint John) with private and public quadrilhas (Brazilian Hoedown). In some ways, it's the carnaval celebration of the north but without the bikinis.

Without a doubt, my summer vacation will be a lasting and enjoyable experience.

Time for a Break

Oi Gente,

Now that the San Francisco Carnaval Ball is over, I have decided to take a much needed break. Yes, I love dancing and performing, but at times I just want a whole lot of nothing!

   Ideas for my next costume!

Of course, this feeling does not last long and almost immediately the idea of working on a costume or getting ready for the San Francisco Carnaval parade pops into my head. To cope with my dilemma, I have decided to take a little break during March and start up again in mid-April.                 

Aside from grading papers, I plan on finish The Painter of Battles by Arturo Perez-Reverte. This is SO not the book for me, but I am captivated by the protagonist's actions and thoughts. Not only do I picture a James Bond looking character (Pierce Brosnan of course), but I am also fascinated by all the testosterone that oozes from the book. What I mean is that this is a GUY book and I love it!

Once my break is over, I will work on a parade costume and prep for my World Cup vacation!. World Cup 2014, here I come!!!

San Francisco Carnaval Ball 2014

Carnaval Ball 2014

Oi Gente,

I love Carnaval!!! The energy of the crowd, the intoxicating music, and the Speedy Gonzales' footwork always puts a smile on my face. This year's Carnaval was not exception.

The San Francisco Carnaval Ball was great and a testament that hard word does pay off. For four hours, Aquarela dancers danced, paraded, and entertained a lively and energetic crowd. No kidding, we danced non-stop the whole night and I loved every minute of it! Click here for a fun video of the night.

Twice a week for the past 2 months, we have rehearsed and danced to some of my new favorite songs. They are cute, sexy, lively, and I below you will find YouTube videos of the songs:
* Ai Se Eu Te Pego by Michael Telo
* Cavalinho Filhos do Sol
* So Vai de Camarote by Groupo Revelacao. By far my favorite! Below, you can see a photo of our outfits.
* Eu Quero Tchu, Eu Quero Tcha by Joao Lucas and Marcelo
* Piradinha by Gariel Valim
* Show das Poderosas by Anitta

 Of course the night was not complete without samba performances. The above songs are great, but nothing compares to the energy and beauty of samba. During the night, we danced (Aquarela video) to amazing samba de enredo and batucada songs and wore various and fabulous bikini costumes. I even painted my nails red to help set off the sambista look!

Beijos and enjoy your week!

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